Did you know that a week or so ago, I was
subjected treated to some pretty searing questions about my wonderful country of Canada? Yes, they were posed by my wickedly funny American cousin (not really but it would be grand if she was my cousin) Katy over on her blog Experienced Bad Mom. You can get there by clicking this link: www.experiencedbadmom.com.
Don’t know her? Oh, you should! She’s not just a bad mom, but an experienced bad mom …
These are but a mere soupcon of her hard-hitting questions:
Who Is Your President?
Do You Have A Pet Polar Bear?
Were You Born With Ice Hockey Skates On?
I took great care in answering her questions to the best of my ability. For the truth is we Canadians tend to know at least 257% more (ok sorry, but let’s be honest eh, at least 547% more) about their country than Americans know about our country. They needed to be educated.
And now that her fellow Americans (and she) know ALL there is to know about Canada, the country TO THE NORTH (and in the case of Alaska: TO THE SOUTHEAST and Hawaii: TO THE EAST) I thought it might be fun to get some things cleared up that I’m curious about. You know, in the interests of increasing the peace and prosperity between our two great nations.
The Surprising Truth About America
1. Just TypiKel: I’m sorry but do you all have an uncle named Sam?
Experienced Bad Mom: Yes, and he wears a big hat, has facial hair, and scares little kids by pointing at them. I can’t speak for others, but I also have Uncles named Paul, Dick, Jim, and Eric.
2. Just TypiKel: How do you cover your confusion when it comes to your money? It’s magical. Everyone is so confident when they whip out a $20.00 bill vs a $10.00 bill. Do you have to take special Paper Currency 101 classes?
Experienced Bad Mom: I can understand how this is confusing to Canadians with your colored bills and humongous dollar coins. It’s really quite simple, though. We look at the number on the bill. I’ll speak slower. The number. Personally, it’s easy for me because I only ever have to discern between 4 numbers: 1, 5, 10 and 20.
3. Just TypiKel: Are there some folks down there who are ashamed of their arms? We hear a lot about “the right to bare arms.” So these folks just like to keep their arms covered up? Sorry eh, but I’m confused.
Experienced Bad Mom: I’m not really an expert on this topic. When I hear “the right to bare arms” I imagine revolutionary war heroes trotting around in the fields with their guns, or people shopping at Wal-Mart who probably do think this phrase applies to their love of garish tank tops.
4. Just TypiKel: Name a colour. Other than red or blue. Sorry, but white isn’t a colour, eh.
Experienced Bad Mom: There are many truths about America, including these:
1. We have long hours to work and lots of greenbacks to make, so we trim anything that slows us down, including the extra “u” in words like color and neighbor.
2. Our favorite colors are Red, White and Blue. The end.
5. Just TypiKel: Canadian Maple Syrup or Vermont Maple Syrup?
Experienced Bad Mom Katy: Neither. Mrs. Butterworth because that is The. Coolest. Syrup. Bottle. Ever.
51/2. Just TypiKel: Light, Medium or Dark?
Experienced Bad Mom: You’re a tenacious one, aren’t you? All right, medium Vermont Maple Syrup but I’ll wave at you across the border eating your Dark Canadian Maple Syrup.
6. Just TypiKel: Canadian Bacon or American Bacon?
Experienced Bad Mom: Pshaw, this is not even a debate. Bacon should come as crispy, succulent, fatty *strips*, whether from American pigs or Canadian pigs (oink, eh!) I don’t care. But don’t go trying to pass off a slice of ham as any form of bacon. Sacrilege!
7. Just TypiKel: How many apple pies would you consume in a year? With American cheese or without?
Experienced Bad Mom: No one I know eats apple pie with American cheese on it. Although I think Rachael Ray and Martha Stewart put cheddar cheese on their pies. As for your original question, I think you already know the answer. With our skyrocketing obesity rates, we Americans are eating about 1643 pies per person per year. That’s 4.5 apple pies a day.
8. Just TypiKel: Do you have a pet corn dog? If so, can you get it to eat something other than corn?
Experienced Bad Mom: I do not have a pet corn dog, but I’d like to get a pet hush puppy. It would play nicely with my cat. And it would also go nicely with a glass of sweet tea.
9. Just TypiKel: What is Spam? Sorry, I’m not referring to the slew of unsolicited messages, eh.
Experienced Bad Mom: When you find out what Spam is, let me know, too! I have no idea what sort of processed goodness is in that blue can.
10. Just TypiKel: Where is Canada?
Experienced Bad Mom: Is this a test? It’s north. Of the whole U.S. Sorta. Except for the part that is in south Detroit. That’s Windsor, Ontario. Oh, and then there’s the part that’s south and east of Alaska and east of Hawaii. Sheesh, this is getting hard!
When a coworker once asked me about the location of Canada, I answered with
stunned silence. She gave me a hint, since clearly I couldn’t remember
where Canada was even though I lived there for 3 years. She said: “I was in
Rochester once. Is that close?”
So, Canada is close to Rochester. Ta da!
Bless you Katy. You’ve cleared up a lot of confusion for folks on both sides of the border. And your coworker’s insightful question reminds me of the interesting comments I’d get back in the summers when I worked at Vancouver’s Tourist Bureau. Oh there were some beauts! But the one memory that haunts me the most was that of the delightful American couple querying the reason for the lack of sled dogs roaming the local streets …
I’m off to look up the location of Rochester once you pass me Mrs. Butterworth. Thanks eh.
This post on the surprising truth about America has been
shamefully partnered with today’s Finish The Sentence prompt of “The memory that haunts me is …” As always, our host is Kristi . Today’s guest hosts are Anna and Vidya.
Enough about the surprising truth of America. I’m curious about you. If you’re Canadian, what scintillating questions would you like to ask an American? And by the way, do you own a husky? Or a Tim Horton’s franchise? If you are American, do you know roughly where Canada is? Have you ever been here? Better yet, do you know the difference between Kraft cheese slices and American cheese? If you’d care to share, I’d love to hear.